Fic: Rainbow Buttsex. PG-13. Superboy/Nightwing.
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters: Superboy/Nightwing, Robin, Impulse.
Word Count: 750
Summary: Kon's the eighth hottest superhero! But Nightwing is hotter.
Author's Notes: Happy (highly belated) birthday, quiet__tiger! This didn't end up (really) being Kon/Tim, Tim/Dick, Kon/Dick or Kon/Dick/Tim, but I hope it will still amuse you! Takes place in Young Justice before the girls and before Superboy was Kon. Also, the title really has nothing to do with the story. Thanks to julius12 for the beta!
"Hey, check it out!" Superboy said, flying in at top speed and chucking a magazine at Robin. Before Robin could reach out to catch it, Bart was holding it on the other side of the room.
"SuperPeople magazine? Helen reads this!"
"Flip to the center!"
Bart did. "It's a list of the top ten sexiest supers."
"Did you see who made number eight?"
"'Booster Gold,'" Bart read. "'What can we say? We just dig the shiny ass! Booster – '"
"Gimme that!" Superboy said, snagging it back. "You doofus, that's number six!"
"Oh. Who made number eight?"
"Me!" Superboy said, poking at the picture of his face in the magazine. "I'm the eighth hottest superhero!"
"Oh. What am I?"
"You're not on the list."
"But I'm hot!"
"You're both hot in your own special ways," Robin assured them, deftly pulling the magazine away from Superboy. "Are you looking for congratulations?"
"No, you guys were supposed to be impressed."
Robin smirked and pointed at number one. "It'd be more impressive if my brother weren't listed as the hottest Superhero."
"Dude, Nightwing's your brother?" Superboy grabbed the magazine back. "You gotta introduce us, Rob."
"Why? Because the magazine says he's hot?"
"Have you seen his picture?"
"I've seen him. Brother, remember? He was the first Robin."
"With the spanky pants? Dude."
"What are spanky pants?" Bart asked.
"You're too young," Superboy said.
"I'm older than you!"
"I'm sixteen, you're fifteen. How do you figure?"
"I'm three, you're one. So there." Bart stuck out his tongue.
"That's because we were aged weirdly! Totally doesn't count." Superboy said. "Anyway, you're also, like, negative a thousand or something."
"That's different! Time travel doesn't – "
"Shut up, both of you," Robin said. "Kid, do you want your magazine back?"
"It's Roxy's, but yeah." Superboy took the magazine. "Please, please, please, please, please introduce me to Nightwing?"
Superboy scowled. Then he grinned and stared at Robin.
"Uh, Earth to S.B.?" Bart said, waving a hand in front of Superboy's face so quickly that it blurred.
"Should I ask what you're thinking?" Robin said crossly.
"Dude," Superboy said quietly. "You train with him, right?"
"...yes," Robin said cautiously.
"So, like, hot sweaty wrestling training?"
"I refuse to participate in this conversation any longer. The stupidity is overwhelming."
"What's so stupid about wrestling?" Bart asked.
"Nothing," Superboy and Robin said together.
"But you totally do," Superboy said.
"Okay, I do! But it is just for training."
"That's so hot," Superboy said. "Seriously, hot."
"It is not."
"Can I train with Nightwing?"
"You can train with me!" Bart said.
"...thanks Bart," Superboy said.
"You can too, Rob!"
"I get enough training with Batman!" Robin said. "Look, this entire discussion is inane!"
"What's inane?" Bart asked.
"Speedread a dictionary," Superboy suggested.
Bart scowled and vanished.
"What does inane mean?" Superboy said.
"Just – never mind! You cannot meet Nightwing."
"What if, like, the universe is in danger?"
"Inane means silly and ridiculous!" Bart shouted, waving a dictionary.
"Yes, very good, Bart," Robin said. "Superboy, you can meet Nightwing if you two need to work together, but it is to be strictly professional, understand? And I sincerely hope it never comes to that."
"You are just jealous of the incredibly pure love that me and Nightwing share."
"Nightwing and I," Robin snapped. Bart and Superboy stared at him. "What?"
"Our love is deep, man," Superboy said. "Look, maybe I'd have gone for you, but you didn't act soon enough. If you wanted some 'S,' you should have acted quicker."
"I'm hardly jealous that you have some ridiculous crush on Nightwing!"
"Hey, guys – " Bart said.
"It's deeper than a crush! D'you think our kids would have tactile telekinesis?"
"It's physically impossible for you two to reproduce!"
"Nothing's impossible! There's cloning, having sex in alien dimensions, being temporarily turned into a girl, magical resurrection ceremonies gone wrong, all sorts of stuff!"
"That doesn't even make – "
Robin and Superboy finally turned to look at Bart, who was pointing frantically at the television.
"Mighty Endowed's robbing a bank," he said.
"Oh," Robin said. "Come on, you two. Superboy – "
"Impulse," Robin said, "Could you give me a lift."
"Sure," Bart said.
"Great," Robin said. "Some mindless violence is exactly what I need. Come on."
Superboy jumped into the air and flew for the exit of the cave, then stopped and floated upside down. "Hey, Rob?"
Robin sighed. "What is it now, Kid?"
"Think Nightwing would be interested in a threesome?"